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Jack West ; Vizard

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Jack West ; Vizard

Post by poipoiguy on Wed 17 Nov 2010, 11:17

Character Info
Name: Jack West
Age: Human:22, Soul, 300
Gender: Male
Species: Vizard
Rank: Captain-Level Vizard
Personality: Jack West is a kindhearted man with a penchant for being punctual and fond towards his other Vizards, and even tries to be nice to Shinigami, usually at his expense.
Likes: Pork chops, Warcraft 3, Veal Parmigiana, Fighting
Dislikes: Rude people, Unnessecary Violence, Killing his foes when he could let them live.
Appearance: Jack wears a black trenchcoat with a hollowbone pauldron on the left side. His hair is a deep brown and he has blue eyes. His Hollow Mask looks like this: (Link) http://i40.tinypic.com/25utcw2.jpg.
History:
Jack was born into a rich family, but unlike his older brothers and sisters, he was kindhearted and polite, not smug and cruel. He was bullied and shunned by his brothers, and his sisters refused to take notice of him. At the age of 14 he snapped, and killed himself with a katana bearing red lines down the blade and a golden trim on the hilt and guard. Upon killing himself, the katana wreathed his corpse in red smoke then disappeared. The katana was blessed by the Pope (I don't know!), and he never began the transformation into a hollow

His soul was holding the katana and wearing the trenchcoat after he died, and he was approached by a hollow. A soul reaper arrived to help him, but was incapacitated by an attack by the hollow. The soul reaper looked on as Jack combated the hollow, and noted the katana having spiritual power. The soul reaper then realised the katana was a zanpaktou. As Jake killed the hollow, a garganta opened and a Gillian stepped out, attracted by the uncontrolled outpour of spiritual power. It fired its cero, and Jake was inundated by the blast. His entire world went white, and he was confronted by a person who looked like the exact opposite of himself, and a child in miniature samurai armour. The child told him to fight, and Jack did so. He defeated the child, who called himself Madarame, and the man who looked like the opposite of him steped up.

Jack was "wounded" by his opposite form, and a hole opened in his chest. He began to retaliate, and the hole closed gradually. He then did a whirling slash and decapitated his opposite form. His sight of the real world immediately returned, and Jack was wearing his hollow mask and had a claymore in one hand. He defleted the cero back at the gillian and blacked out.

He regained consciousness just as he was about to be stabbed by the soul reaper who was incapacitated, and caught her blade just as it touched his chest. The girl said her name was Shiva, and that she knew someone who could help Jack. She took him to Ichigo, who recognised his power, and trained him to use his bankai and his hollow mask for extended periods. he could wear his mask for around a minute, thanks to his bankai, and when he had it on, he was as intelligent as a 12th division captain, and as fast as ichigo.

Zanpakutō Info
Name: Madarame
Shikai: Madarame becomes similar to a claymore, with a 50 centimetre long hilt. The blade is 2 metres long, and the guard resembles a hell symbol (Ram's skull), with sharp interior, curved guard spikes. Abilities: Amplifies Speed and Intelligence, able to negate other Zanpaktou abilities (up to Shikai, other soul reaper must be equal to or weaker than him).
Release Quote: Break their back, Wisen my step, Madarame.
Bankai: Madarame becomes Heru Madarame (Hell Madarame), the katana-or claymore-form sword becomes armour around Jack's body and a large blade over his right arm. In this form, he cannot use shunpo, but he gets a massive boost to speed and intelligence, and a medium boost to strength and resilience. His Zanpaktou ability in this form is to make his hollow mask last longer.

Test RP post

Jack winced as the sparks flew off of his and his opponent's zanpaktous, the Vizard glared at the Shinigami through the sparks, and shunpo'd back. "BAN--" Jack began, as the Shinigami captain jumped back. "---KAI! Heru Madarame!" yelled Jack, as he unsealed his Zanpaktou. Armour formed around his body and claws appeared over his fingers. Jack activated his Hollow Mask as the captain prepared for a barrage of lightning-fast attacks. The captain, as strong as he was, grunted as Jack sliced a thin peice of meat off his arm. Noticing that Jack could not use Shunpo, the captain made a getaway before Jack could attack again.
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poipoiguy

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Re: Jack West ; Vizard

Post by poipoiguy on Fri 26 Nov 2010, 05:35

..... Can an Admin please comment before i get tired of waiting for replies?
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Re: Jack West ; Vizard

Post by Kitana_Matsuri on Sun 13 Feb 2011, 22:29

The forums are slowly crawling back to life and I was looking over this with approval until I saw your signature and other key elements of the back story. If those are the abilities of your character, then you must realize how difficult it would be for me to approve that. We already have an Ichigo and it's unfair to the RPer of that character if you're using the same attacks as he is. By no means are we against original characters. They are accepted with open arms so long as they truly are original. This character crosses the line the same way random OC children do.

We can't have someone coming in claiming to be Ichigo's magic love baby without the RPer of Ichigo approving it. Same as we cannot have someone coming in with most of Ichigo's attacks and having the back story claiming that Ichigo trained this OC to explain away all the relative details.

I apologize for the very late reply and also the halt on approval. Further more, I regret to say that unless these things change about your character, I cannot approve it. Everything but the Ichigo-Knockoff attributes does well and we'd love to have a new addition. Yet until we can see a more original character presented, this application will have to be denied.

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Kitana_Matsuri
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Name: Grimmjow Jeagerjaques
Rank: Sexta Espada
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Re: Jack West ; Vizard

Post by xdark_ichigox on Mon 14 Feb 2011, 17:41

I agree with Kitana. All that abilities of your's and your backstory is not gonna work out. You cannot just say that Ichigo just trained you and all of a sudden you can have the same attacks as him. It doesn't go along with the canon. An attack is like a Zanpakuto. It's unique to every character and Getsuga Tenshou and all the other attacks belongs to Ichigo, and no one else. Also another don't make your history like Ichigo's.

"He regained consciousness just as he was about to be stabbed by the soul reaper who was incapacitated, and caught her blade just as it touched his chest."

Seriously were not stupid. It's similar to how Ichigo acquired his Shinigami powers from Rukia. You may have changed the names and added your own part of the history, but the stories are similar. Another point I like to make out:

"The katana was blessed by the Pope (I don't know!), and he never began the transformation into a hollow"

Really? A pope? I know you're trying to get creative here, but a pope wouldn't just do it. You need a legitimate reason why your character didn't turn into a hollow. A pope is a reason.

With all these problems in your application, I cannot possibly see how we can except this character. So until you redo his whole character, I'm afraid this application is:

DENIED

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xdark_ichigox

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Name: Kurosaki Ichigo
Rank: Substitute Shinigami/Vizard
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Re: Jack West ; Vizard

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